Dear You

It makes me feel better knowing youre suffering…good. You should be. Im so mad at you, my usual forgiving self is hard and numb. I hate men because of you…Im trying really hard not to…but you men dont make it easy AT ALL.

You better not write me or call me ever. Trust that I STILL dont want to hear from you. Only reason Im posting about you here is so I can get what Im feeling off my chest. These words are not for you…theyre for me. You cant give me what I need…what I deserve. Just the though of getting back with you depresses me. Our last get back together was all about poor you…how your sooo insecure…so fragile. When my hand flew up and smacked your face I prayed that some of my manlyness fucking rubbed off on you.  Doubt it.

Only reason I suffer is because of Red and what you’ve done to him….no-what i let you do to him. You did to him the exact same thing your father did to you and your lack of clarity on this subject disgusts me. Im shaking, about to explode writing this. Youre bad for my nerves.

I no longer look at the clock worrying that you’re coming home, wondering if you will be your normal bitchy self or your normal cold cordial self when you walk through that door. Like all the times you threw a tantrum because you felt I was just a little too happy about life. Yeah I should be depressed like you. You are so selfish.

This post is good. I need to write all the shit you did. Read this when I feel weak. Remember why I let you go for real this time.

Lets start with the fact that you break stuff when youre mad…mostly stuff I bought. Or how you’ll only buy stuff that you intend to take when we break up…. like the car, the flat screen, the leather sofa. I knew the moment you bought that sofa that it wasnt for “us” it was never mine or ours. Or how about when you accused me of cheating on you right after we got home from a day of the 5 of us being a happy family where I bought you a 300 dollar guitar. That was classic you. Psycho you. You should nickname yourself the happiness killer. Makin sure no one is happy unless you say so 24-7 365! That’s your slogan. Throwing your food when your mad. Ooooh that’s so two years old. If I had a dick and it was hard it would shrivel up in .001 seconds flat after you do that. You did that in the beginning and I should of payed attention to that flag that day. I felt sorry for you. I wanted to help you. Instead you used me for my light and sucked me dry and no matter how much light you suck you will always be pitch balck! bottemless, neverending black! ugh!