Im soooo stupid

I dont know what Im doing. or why Im thinking so much about you. Im going crazy. I need to stop. I barely know you. Meanwhile my x stalks my page. I finally took all the personality out and Im never logging in there again. I need to focus on what I really want. Will the universe to send it to me. cause this is not it

Soundtrack of me

I cant disguise the pounding of my heart
It beats so strong
Its in your eyes what can I say
They turn me on

I dont care where we go
I dont care what we do
I dont care pretty baby
Just take me with u

Come on and touch the place in me
Thats calling out your name
We want each other oh so much
Why must we play this game?

Dont care where we go
I dont care what we do
I dont care pretty baby
Just take me with u

I dont care if we spend the night at your mansion
I dont care if we spend the night on the town
All I want is 2 spend the night together
All I want is 2 spend the night in your arms

To be around u is so-oh right
Youre sheer perfection (thank u)
Drive me crazy, drive me all night
Just dont break up the connection

I dont care where we go
I dont care what we do
I dont care pretty baby
Just take me with u

I dont care where we go
I dont care what we do
I dont care pretty baby
Just take me with u

Just take me with u
Oh wont u take me with u
Honey take me with u

Heartbreaker… Dream maker… Love taker… dont you mess around with me!

My x is committing adultry on me. And slowly I start to remember nights he worked late and seemed to not care about me. phone calls that came too much. She works near the neighborhood that he works, both in the same field, employeed by the same company…has a six year old just like me. All this time he claimed he wanted to make it work, that he loved us…but that proved to be false…i was his punching bag instead. Now he’s buying her jewlery and taking her to the hotel we stayed at. Giving her all the love he promised me. I keep thinking…what the fuck did he marry me for. what were all those promises. why did he just flip on me that day. Fake tears. Fake love. Fake mutherfucker! All those birthdays and holidays ruined because of him…. he has destroyed red in ways im afraid to admit. I see it in his eyes…the innocence is gone.

OMFG

Im on a dating site and yesterday this cop starts talking to me…my first impression is he’s hot! omg hot. so my type but wait………he’s too fast. he responds fast…talks fast, wants to meet fast…likes me fast….he ruined it by talking sexual too fast, giving me super, heavy, over the top flirting. I dont mind sex talk, I just have to know you have a brain first for me to want to get sexy. I played along, well, cause Im a flirt too but I shouldnt of and my friend who i trust saw all the red flags b4 me. “He was going to take me out, pay for my babysitter, pick me up, drop me off (which is way out of his way and lots of tolls)” I defended to my friend. But no she wasnt having it, all the signs are wrong. “He has a kid so he knows what its like. I guess. I dont know.” I defended again. But my girl wasnt having it. NO! I wrote him this morning to tell him I wanted to go slow, that I wanted to be friends first and he got mad at me. !!!! Then he verbally attacked me to the point where were on the phone fighting and I felt like I was talking to my x. He got nastier and nastier as we talked and then he hung up on me and emailed me and told me to loose his number. Dont worry, I will, but dayum. I couldnt believe it. I still cant as I type this. I feel more like a cop than him. Im not going to meet some stranger, anywhere just because he’s a cop. Why should I feel immediatley safe? He’s like a baby who doesnt get his way so he screams and cries until he gets it. I asked him would he like it if some stranger came and picked up his daughter (who is 12 btw) and take her in his car somewhere she doesnt know???) (he wanted to take me to queens btw eeewwwww) His answer? You’re a grown woman. WTF?! Yeah, and a smart one. Trust is EARNED not demanded.

Its too bad. I had the hots for him big time. But he is TOTALLY damaged just like my x. exactly. *shivers* If he had come from love and given me the time to trust him like a gentleman SHOULD then he would of had me…….sweet like cherry pie

Dear Dumbass

You’re pathetic…do you know that? You should. SOMEONE should tell you..cause its the cause of your unhappiness and youre obviously oblivious.

First of all when you have a date with someone…dont be late or tell them you HAVE to workout…when someone wants to be with you and you concur you dont plan a million things before hand. You clear your schedule…DUH

Second, dont talk about your x constantly and please, rip off her name from your door. Why in the world would you bring a girl back to your house and point out that you havent in TWO YEARS gotten around to taking it off. Maybe if you hadnt been such a cheap ass, non paying attention selfish bastard like my husband maybe BOTH of you would be happy and have the loves of your life. But noooooo. Its all about you, you, you.

Third, why bring a girl to a bar where you have a thing for the bartender…what am i there for making her jealous?

And four…Yeah and I know all about you and your stripper routine. You didnt have to tell me that….your myspace page says it all. Yeah girls stripping 24-7 just what a 38 year old fuck up needs…and you want to have kids….ha! no you dont!

I got my orgasm back

My ex made me loose my orgasm…i thought it would be dead forever…it seemed like it would never come back… but I woke up this morning and it found me…i woke up HOT and horney. Its taking over me in ways I didnt expect…just walking gives me one. Suddenly I know what my almost cheating friend is talking about. I need it. I want it. I gotta have it. Ive been thinking about it non stop. I curse him for being such a pain in the ass. If he had done right we’d both be benefitting off of how I feel but nooooo he has to be a big pussy….mmm pussy…..I find my hands ripping off my shirt, caressing my breasts, my hands cant get enough, my body cant get enough. Ive always loved my body especially naked…actually I think I look better naked. I got a little extra but its not much and I know how to work it. Mmmmmm. I love the way she feels when I just shave her and my hands know how to get her so wet…I explode but there’s no one here to finsh the job. Things HAVE to change.